11 Step Progam Before Having Children

My friend who did our photos in July, Allison, recently posted this "program" on her blog and I just HAD too post it on mine as well....it is hillarious!!! I was laughing out loud so much and so many times that I literally had to stop and catch my breath!

"Now for those of you who do NOT have children the following list might bring a small smile, but will be somewhat perplexing. For those of you EXPECTING children, this will be humorous, but will make you laugh a nervous little laugh and fidget in your seat. (You will also think this will not apply to your kids. TRUST ME when I say that, OH YEAH, it will.) For those of you who ALREADY have children, the following will be laugh-out-loud, eyes-tearing, oh-my-gosh-I-have-to-send-this-to-people-I-know, hilarious. Enjoy!!"

Step 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Step 2 Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, an d overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the
last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Step 3 ~ A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and
be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Step 4 ~ Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Step 5 ~ Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh..
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Step 6 ~ Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Step 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Step 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Step 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Tele tubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Step 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy/daddy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy/daddy’; occasional crescendo to the
level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Step 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy/daddy’ tape made from Step 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

"Mommy, I think Lauren went poo-poo"

For the last couple of weeks, Lauren has been waking up a little early from her nap every afternoon.....because she has been going poo-poo. So, when she woke up today, Isaac was already awake and downstairs, so he came over to her to say hello and give her a kiss. Then he says, "Mommy, I think Lauren went poo-poo." And sure enough, she did!! When I opened her diaper, he leaned over to take a peak and I guess got a whiff :) Well, he backed up and said, "Eeeewwww!" "When I smelled that poo-poo, it went straight to my brain!!" And I asked, "What happens when it goes to your brain?" And he said, "It kills it!" Hehehe : ) Gotta love what they come up with!!

Fun at the Animal Park

This guy was so cool....just hung out there and looked at us while we looked at him

Isaac feeding the Llama. He has NO fear of ANY animal and never has.
Baby and Mama goat sleeping together...so sweet

Isaac's first ride on a pony....he loved it!

Eric's first pony ride...he didn't want to do it, but

had a great time and hasn't stopped talking about it!!

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It was such a beautiful Fall morning on Saturday, so we loaded up and drove over to the animal park. Until we looked up the directions, we had no idea it was only 3 miles from our house!! The weather was just perfect....73 and sunny. There were so many animals we could pet and feed. They also had a playground and huge sandbox. After we did both of those, Isaac and Eric both took a turn riding a pony for the first time!! They have both been talking about it non-stop since we left. The park also had a moon bounce and wagon rides, but we didn't get to do them this time. We plan to go back sometime next month though. They have a Fall Festival with lots of other fun activities, so that should be tons of fun!

Handsome Boys

It was so nice outside when we got home from church, so we hung out before going in for lunch. Eric and Isaac both looked so handsome, so I ran in to get the camera.

Scott took one with Lauren and I too : )

I Can Sit Up Like A Big Girl!

I wasn't sure if Lauren was ever going to be able to sit in the floor and play...but she's finally doing it!! YAY Lauren!! She would have been able to do it sooner, but she wanted to push and fall backward. She's still a little unstable, so we keep a pillow behind her, but she really is doing great! Even though she is a little past 7 months old, she is showing NO signs of wanting to move. I also thought she would crawl before the boys did, but not yet.

Isaac's First Day of Pre-K

It's a pretty amazing thing when your first child is ready to leave the bubble and enter the world...even if it is only Preschool....2 days a week for 3 hours!!

When Scott and I began the "house hunting" process back in February, the area preschools were also taking applications for the upcoming Fall semester. Yes, that is early, but that's how they do things here in Northern Virginia : ) This left us in a huge dilemma, because we didn't know where we were going to live!!! So, I started praying that God would not only help me find the right preschool for Isaac, but that He would "hold" a space for him......not to mention that it would be affordable. Since surrendering my life to Christ about 5 years ago, I have tried to really embrace this verse:

Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. ~ Psalm 37:4,5

It was April when we found our home and I knew where we were going to live....so, I started the process of weeding through all the area preschools. It took me about 2 to 3 weeks to narrow the search down to three different schools.

The one that I had the best feeling about was only 2 miles from our home. They had a space for him, it was affordable, it was a Christian preschool, and they were very understanding and supportive about Isaac's health concerns and diet!!! The director was so amazing on the phone, so we decided to check the school out in person. It was great! It wasn't until after we decided that Heaven Sent was the school for Isaac, that I found out a member of our church teaches there!! She is a friend of mine and has had only wonderful things to say about the school. WOW...God is so amazing!

Knowing this is the exact school God intended for Isaac to attend has given me such a great peace about letting him go. Anytime I have felt anxious about him being there, the Holy Spirit has reminded me that this is where he is meant to be...and I have felt complete assurance and peace. It helps that the director and his two teachers have been so supportive and encouraging....and that they love the Lord! Unfortunately, my friend isn't going to be his teacher, but I'm so thrilled with the two that are!

We all loaded up in the van this morning to see Isaac off for his first day. He was very excited and didn't seem to be anxious or nervous at all. In fact, before we left, I was talking to him and encouraging him and told him that we live very close to his school and if he ever needs me, just to tell his teacher and I could be there very fast. Well, he says to me, "Mommy, I don't want you to come there till school is over." "If I need anything, I will ask my teacher."

When we got to the door, he turned around and said bye to all of us and walked right in....so we walked right out.

When he got home he said it was great and told me a few of the things he did....played outside, sang songs, played games, colored, talked to his teachers, ate his snack. He had only good things to say about it : )

Yesterday, Isaac asked Eric about 10 times, "Eric, are you going to miss me when I'm at school." And Eric would answer every time, "Yeah!" And Eric did ask for Isaac several times this morning...then he would say, "Bye-bye Isaac...School." So, when Isaac got back home, I told him we missed him while he was gone. Then I asked him, "Did you miss us?" He said, "No, not at all." "I didn't even think about you all once in my head." I said, "That's so great!!" "I'm glad you didn't miss us and you had such a great time!"

I didn't think I would get teary eyed, but I did as we drove home. Not because I was sad, and not because I was scared, but because my first baby is starting a new season in his life. It's an amazing thing to watch your child grow, learn, change, and develop. It's overwhelming. As they do, I seem to grow, learn, change, and develop right along with them....and I can't imagine doing it without looking to the Lord for guidance and direction every step of the way.

Lauren is 7 Months Old Already!

I really can not believe Lauren is already 7 months old!! The time is just flying by....in fact, it is going by even quicker with a 3rd!

She is so sweet and just smiles all the time. My Dad used to call me "Smiley Jo" because I used to smile all the time as a baby....so we have started calling Lauren "Smiley Jolie".

She still has only the two teeth on the bottom, but seems to be having a few more trying to come through, as she has been a little fussy at times the last couple of weeks. However, she is still eating and sleeping good, so I am very thankful for that!

She weighed 18 lbs at her 6 month checkup, so I'm sure she has gained another pound in the last month....at least my arms and back think so!!

It is such a joy having a little girl in the house! I was so content having two boys before she arrived, but she has really completed our family. At times, I just think of her as a baby...and not that she is a girl....and I find myself looking at her in her cute little girl outfits and thinking, "Wow...she's a girl!!" And I just have to smile. There is just something about a Momma having a little girl. There is a different kind of bond between a Momma and her daughter. I think about when she will someday be a Wife and Momma herself.

It is also a joy to see Isaac and Eric with their sister. I thought the idea of them having a baby sister would grow old, but they are still just as enamored by her as the day we came home from the hospital!! They get so excited to see her when they wake up in the morning and they give her so many kisses and hugs throughout the day, that I loose count. Isaac comments on how beautiful she looks just about everyday....and always notices if she is wearing a new outfit : ) so sweet!

Can't wait to see what it will be like as she continues to grow and develop her own personality.

I'm sure it will be like a party at our house everyday :)